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An Imperfect Compass
This chapter deals with "What aspects of work feed your life, and vice versa?" This is something I've never struggled with - my life has been so involved with other people that I've never, honestly, had time to figure this out. But now, I'm moving forward, and it's time to take a look at this.
I've been in the sandwich my whole life -- even if that sounds like an exaggeration. I was raised by my grandparents, because my mother was a nurse working the night shift, and my father away at school, getting his teaching degree, then teaching in small towns. So until early elementary/primary school, I was fairly free, except for the occasions when I wanted to explore my world. I remember well when my grandfather died (at about the age of 8), and the decision was - by default - to leave me with my grandmother. I added as many chores as possible, and took delight in the few times I was invited to visit a school friend. They never visited me - which was just accepted as part of my life - until high school/college.
Even vacations weren't the ideal time - I either was assisting my father (during high school) with his apartment in the small towns he worked in, or at his conferences and conventions, where 'family' activities were planned down to the minute - no time to explore the city for me! It was enjoyable, I guess - but after my grandmother passed, there was no option given. My mother (a Depression-era child) informed me that I was much too young to be left alone, and that I was going to spend time with the family.
So now, finally, finding myself with the ability to plan what I want to do seems daunting. I was stopped from trying my first professional love, and - physically - it isn't viable to do anymore. Looking forward to a totally different career is new: the one I have fallen into is something that I had played with, never considering it a possibility.
Framing "Why do you work, and what life do you want?" in a positive manner is forcing me to create a list that can be communicated. Many of the areas are overlapping - looking back, when I've been happiest and most productive, was when work flowed into life and life into work. The list, for right now, is nearly identical.
Having read a bit further in the book, this is also the next step: catching yourself when things are going badly (the easy part), and during 'flow', as programmers understand it. This actually helped in this area - looking at when I remember being in flow, or unable to find it, and seeing what the variables were that might have helped to encourage either extreme.
I found the perfect description of what flow feels like to me: in Harry Harrison's The Hammer and The Cross:
The setting doesn't seem to have much to do with it: I can find flow in either personal or work life nearly anywhere. Finding something I can do, have the skills to, and the passion for is easy, right now - I'm self-taught, and work hardest on those things that either interest me, or I have to get through.
The latter, here, involves me being able to 'play': finding resources and information, and sharing them with others. That not only helps my confidence, but makes it a more positive item, and everyone has the same information to work from. I think this will be a good thing, when employed and assigned a task that isn't a good match.
With a look from that perspective, my life has to be more than getting a salary, and spending it on the basic needs.
I've been in the sandwich my whole life -- even if that sounds like an exaggeration. I was raised by my grandparents, because my mother was a nurse working the night shift, and my father away at school, getting his teaching degree, then teaching in small towns. So until early elementary/primary school, I was fairly free, except for the occasions when I wanted to explore my world. I remember well when my grandfather died (at about the age of 8), and the decision was - by default - to leave me with my grandmother. I added as many chores as possible, and took delight in the few times I was invited to visit a school friend. They never visited me - which was just accepted as part of my life - until high school/college.
Even vacations weren't the ideal time - I either was assisting my father (during high school) with his apartment in the small towns he worked in, or at his conferences and conventions, where 'family' activities were planned down to the minute - no time to explore the city for me! It was enjoyable, I guess - but after my grandmother passed, there was no option given. My mother (a Depression-era child) informed me that I was much too young to be left alone, and that I was going to spend time with the family.
So now, finally, finding myself with the ability to plan what I want to do seems daunting. I was stopped from trying my first professional love, and - physically - it isn't viable to do anymore. Looking forward to a totally different career is new: the one I have fallen into is something that I had played with, never considering it a possibility.
Framing "Why do you work, and what life do you want?" in a positive manner is forcing me to create a list that can be communicated. Many of the areas are overlapping - looking back, when I've been happiest and most productive, was when work flowed into life and life into work. The list, for right now, is nearly identical.
Having read a bit further in the book, this is also the next step: catching yourself when things are going badly (the easy part), and during 'flow', as programmers understand it. This actually helped in this area - looking at when I remember being in flow, or unable to find it, and seeing what the variables were that might have helped to encourage either extreme.
I found the perfect description of what flow feels like to me: in Harry Harrison's The Hammer and The Cross:
forever seeking new knowledge (or new ways to use old knowledge) and support themselves - and their beliefs - by the working skills they have(paraphrased for essence). This is the feeling I get: not only am I buoyed by getting things done, and learning and sharing this knowledge; but I know I am doing something to support myself and the wider community.
The setting doesn't seem to have much to do with it: I can find flow in either personal or work life nearly anywhere. Finding something I can do, have the skills to, and the passion for is easy, right now - I'm self-taught, and work hardest on those things that either interest me, or I have to get through.
The latter, here, involves me being able to 'play': finding resources and information, and sharing them with others. That not only helps my confidence, but makes it a more positive item, and everyone has the same information to work from. I think this will be a good thing, when employed and assigned a task that isn't a good match.
With a look from that perspective, my life has to be more than getting a salary, and spending it on the basic needs.
- I want enjoyable challenges - something that pushes the boundaries of my skills, but also want the knowledge that the team, and maybe even a mentor or three has the time and willingness to give me a hint to make sure I am not stuck too long.
- I will learn, regardless, but an environment where it is not only expected but encouraged that you learn both work and non-work skills would be my preference.
- As with most people, I need to feel like I am making contributions to the overall task, even if it means shifting tasks occasionally to make sure that the solution chosen is not the only option there.
- I have many skills - some even backed up by formal education. I want an opportunity to use these daily. And having the option to move either sideways (different department) or upwards (to a higher-responsibility position) if needs change, or I find that I simply 'fit' better elsewhere.
- I want to be able to continue my current activities, and add in more social contact. I love my computer, but it isn't always safe to type over a coffee. :)
- In contrast to this, I want some time for me - a small bit every day that isn't scheduled, just to explore and renew.
This feels selfish, to be blunt. There isn't a word in here about accommodating other people's desires, or making sure that things that cannot change (like the need to care for mom) is addressed. Nor making sure that the myriad of small tasks that have fallen to me to do for ages are done.
I'm not sure this is a bad thing, but it's going to take some mental adjustments to accept that this is something I deserve. I have no doubts that this is what I want (and am willing to share publicly). I have the support from many folks that this is not only possible, but probable. I also have those that are comfortable with things as they are, and are unwilling to shift.
I am going to leave this as my goals. I know, now, what I am willing to compromise on to start moving forward, and to investigate a bit more deeply if I don't seem to find a majority of these in the offer of a position.
I'm not sure this is a bad thing, but it's going to take some mental adjustments to accept that this is something I deserve. I have no doubts that this is what I want (and am willing to share publicly). I have the support from many folks that this is not only possible, but probable. I also have those that are comfortable with things as they are, and are unwilling to shift.
I am going to leave this as my goals. I know, now, what I am willing to compromise on to start moving forward, and to investigate a bit more deeply if I don't seem to find a majority of these in the offer of a position.
