I can feel them here-watching and murmuring on my decision. Down the passage of time, the history of the family, and those that I wish were family. The ruler going to 'discuss' peace terms while faced with a superior army. The peasant who needed money, and all they had to spare were children. Attorneys that defended a client in desperation. Those that made hard decisions, for both good and ill. They all felt this way. Never shifting from their higher ideals, taking what would be considered pride in the choices made that would shape them.
I wish I didn't have to feel this way.
The paper in front of me brings the voices here. I really don't believe in a mystical connection to those in the past, but I can sense that this situation has been played out many, many times over the centuries. Reading the documents carefully, noting the phrases, the commas, even the way the letters are shaped individually and overall. Hoping that maybe, somehow, a picture of what this will mean to me will form and answer my doubts, and prove the connection.
Nothing comes to mind. With a deep sigh, I read the documents again, the words making me feel that the mistakes of the past were here. On the surface, these were standard documents: a simple contract, spelling out duties in terms simplified to the point of idiocy, penalties, bonuses--nothing threatening to most people. But I still hesitate to sign.
There, done. Now the ritual of formalities to get through. Handshakes, smiles, and welcoming statements. All seemingly so insincere. Tomorrow would mark the change in my world-for the best or the worst. Always the chance that you take in these moments.
Papers in hand, walking out of the building to find the teal-colored car that was promised as a signing bonus waiting. Opening the door, the scent of leather, wood, and glue showed the care that the restoration had been given.The deal was done, and the commitment made-- I start work in the morning.
No comments:
Post a Comment